Thursday, January 19, 2006

So Long, Farewell

The title of this post obviously means two things: 1) I am indeed ending my blog and 2) I have been watching too much Sound of Music since I got the 40th Anniversary Edition DVD for Christmas. It was my best Christmas gift. (I would say people know me really well but the truth is I just asked for it.) You must admit: that Auf Wiedersehn song is some powerful stuff. My favorite part is when the kids troop upstairs singing it and the camera turns to the crowd below while the waving adults sing the final "goodnight." That is super nice. I am totally devoid of cynicism or irony when it comes to The Sound of Music.

I suppose this ending comes as no surprise, since most of the month has passed without me putting up a post. I just had to make absolutely sure I could say goodbye to all the fun I have had with this blog before putting it to bed forever, and that I could properly say goodbye to you, my loyal blog readers. With characteristic reluctance to display emotion and weakness at this sad moment, I am going to repress my feelings with the use of lists to say farewell.

First, here is a list of reasons I decided I do indeed have to stop:

1. I need to finish my dissertation. No, I really do. It's a tedious enough task as it is without the tempting possibility of writing about the Red Sox, my favorite t.v. shows, and how many people removed I am from Christina Aguilera every time I sit down at my computer instead of what I should be writing about: diaspora, ekphrasis, and hybridity (no I am not making these words up, sadly).

2. Well, that's really the main reason.

Next, to comfort you in my blog's absence, I have put together a list of things you can do to help you through this time of loss:

1. Go back and read all the posts you missed, leaving inappropriate comments on them that you think I will never find. (I assure you, I will.)

2. Research reverse osmosis water filters on the internet. This will take you 3 to 4 hours, minimum. Seriously, stop drinking fluoride.

3. Get your own blog. It couldn't be easier. Look right up there on the top right-hand corner of this page, there it is: "Get Your Own Blog." Do it: I'll read it religiously.

4. Email me, the way normal people communicate. I will attempt to write interesting and witty replies that include updates on my organic lifestyle (this week: cleaning the house with nothing but vinegar and baking soda) and any further research I complete on 9/11 conspiracy theories.

5. Consider possible titles for my next blog, when I am bold and employed enough to begin again (say, 2009?). Possible titles I have already thought of include: a) Capitol Beat: My Life as a Hugely Successful Political Operative b) Organic Baby [alternate title "How my Experiment with Natural Family Planning went bad but I am making the best of it"] or c) Ten Years and Counting: Getting a PhD in Irish Literature Blows

And, finally, since this is the last time I will have your collectively undivided attention, I want to give you a list of things I have enjoyed most about keeping this blog over the course of 2005:

1. Reading or hearing something crazy or interesting and thinking: oooh! I have to blog about that. At any one point over the year, I have had a little post-it on my desk scrawled with future topics such as: Big truck/baby truck, Fox News, juice fasts, racist maps, Ann Coulter/crazy, Nutter Butters, Boycott Monsanto, Fung-Wah deathtrap, homemade bomb-making, sci-fi as highest form of art, childhood obesity, Britney & Kevin, etc. (As you can see, not all of these topics went to press--I'll save the material for my next blog.) I am going to miss keeping that little post-it.

2. Being completely surprised by which of you turned out to be my most loyal blog readers. Really: not the people I would expect. JQ gets a special mention here. (The funny thing is I almost didn't send him the URL because I thought this blog's liberal leanings would fill him with Orange County-style feelings of loathing and enmity. Glad it didn't work out that way.) My unrequited high school love interest Jonny H warrants mention at the top of the list of "People Least Likely to Ever Find this Blog who Nonetheless Did." His last-ditch effort to halt cancellation of the blog was especially touching, even though I thought it was a conspiracy master-minded by JQ. And of course, Mark Huntsman deserves credit as the original inspiration to start this blog in the first place. I would acknowledge more people but this is already getting out of hand.

3. You guys have been great readers. I am really going to miss your funny comments, either on the blog or via email, your needling me about being lazy when I didn't write for a while, and knowing I had an audience that would indulge my rants on any subject I found fit to blather about. Seriously, that has been so great. Look at that I'm getting all mushy. Damn lists not doing their job.

So, one year to the day that I started this grand experiment, perhaps you will allow me one final Sound of Music reference. In this metaphor, I get to be Liesel, Brigita and all those other cute Austrian kids leaving the party, and you all are those fancy-dressed adults who end the song. Don't be bitter or sad, just wave me a nice goodbye.